she took her name off the list

butter cookies | the merry gourmet

I’m sharing a butter cookie recipe with you today, a really simple and delicious cookie recipe. The recipe comes from Gourmet magazine (of course – all the good ones do), and I only tweaked it a tiny bit, not enough to really count.

But really, what I want to share with you is a story about my mother.

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My mother is a teacher. She is retired now, but once a teacher, always a teacher. During my early school years, she taught sixth grade, but the year I started fourth grade, she transferred to my school and taught the fourth grade class across the hall from mine. The teachers switched classrooms for part of the day – or maybe the students did – so for some hours of the day, my mother was my teacher.

I was so proud of my mother for being a teacher. It was exhilarating having her stand in front of my classroom, and I loved being known as “Mrs. George’s daughter.” I loved watching her teach, but it terrified me when she called on me. I didn’t want to disappoint her by not knowing the answer, and I definitely didn’t want her to think I was stupid. It’s only fitting that the one time I can vividly recall her calling on me in class is the time that I got tongue-twisted and stammered out an answer that made no sense.

My mom continued to teach for a long time after that, until May 2010, when she retired. I think she intended to travel with my father, to spend the daylight hours photographing birds and flowers, to enjoy her grandchildren, and to relax. Instead, my grandmother was diagnosed with lymphoma, moved in with my parents, and my mother became her caregiver.

Within a year, she became a caregiver again, for my father, when he had his first illness, the one that put him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

And all of this time, she has been the main source of support for my disabled brother, who has schizophrenia.

My mother has shown incredible strength these last several years, since she retired and took on caregiving full time. She has been strong not because she wanted to be, or because she is inherently strong (she is), but because she simply had no other choice. Out of necessity – and out of love – she has prioritized the needs and desires of other people.

In the process, she has repeatedly put herself last.

When my father died in late February, Mom didn’t just put herself last on the list – she took her name off the list entirely.

She stopped socializing as often with her teacher friends. The regular dominoes game she played with another group of women fell to the wayside, replaced by taking my grandmother for a haircut or some other obligation. She stopped reading, unless it was my grandmother’s prescription bottles or the regular monthly bills that came in the mail. She stopped cooking.

Finally, she stopped eating.

My mother was hospitalized last week with dehydration and malnutrition. She spent five days in that hospital room, undergoing blood tests, scans, procedures, and receiving intravenous fluids. Scary diagnoses were ruled out, one by one, and slowly she began to feel more like herself.

I sat by her side as often as I could, but not as often as I would have liked (that whole work/parenting/life balance thing). But when I was there, we were able to simply be together and to talk when the mood struck. I flipped through magazines, knit some stitches on the scarf I’m working on, and we reminisced.

“This reminds me of your father,” she said once, when she tried to walk on shaky legs.

As she was being wheeled to the endoscopy suite, she said, “I remember this tunnel.” Of course she did. My father had been wheeled through that same tunnel, the one that connects the two towers of the hospital, several times.

When she was finally discharged, on the fifth day, her discharge instructions were simple: Eat. And though the final diagnosis was not on the paperwork, we both knew what it was. It was grief.

She’s doing better now, after almost one full week at home. Thanks to her amazing friends, she has had plenty of hot meals on hand – ready to eat, no cooking required. She plans to play dominoes again soon, and I hope she begins reading again.

My mother is beautiful and strong, even after losing a ridiculous amount of weight these past months. She has the most wonderful sense of humor. She is creative and inspiring. Her passion for teaching – and her skill at doing so – is unrivaled. I have been proud of my mother for all of these things and so many more, for as long as I can remember.

Today, I am most proud of my mom for putting herself back on her list.

And I will always love being known as “Mrs. George’s daughter.”

Yield: 2 to 3 dozen, depending on slice thickness

Butter Cookies

These cookies are so simple and yet so delicious. The hardest parts of the recipe are waiting for the butter to come to room temperature and then waiting for the dough to chill.

Ingredients:

2 cups (260 grams) all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1-1/2 sticks (3/4 cup; 170 grams) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup (200 grams) granulated sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla paste

Egg wash (1 egg white mixed with 1 teaspoon water)
Turbinado or sanding sugar, for garnish

Directions:

In a small bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.

In a large bowl, beat together butter and granulated sugar with a hand mixer (or using a stand mixer) on medium-high speed until pale and fluffy, around 3-5 minutes. Beat in the egg and vanilla paste. On low speed, add the flour mixture and beat until just combined.

Roll the dough into a 12-inch long log, approximately 2 inches in diameter. Press and shape the log into a rectangle if you prefer rectangular cookies. Wrap in plastic wrap or wax paper and chill on a baking sheet until firm, at least 4 hours.

Heat oven to 375 degrees and place oven racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven.

Unwrap cookie dough and slice into 1/8-to-1/4-inch slices. Place them 1 inch apart on two sheet pans lined with parchment paper. Chill any unused dough. Brush each cookie evenly with egg wash, then sprinkle with turbinado or sanding sugar.

Bake for 12 to 15 minutes, rotating pans halfway through baking time, until cookies are golden. Cool on the cookie sheets for 3 minutes, then transfer to a cooling rack.

Note: Dough can be stored in the refrigerator for 5 days or frozen, wrapped tightly in a double layer of plastic wrap, for 1 month.

Hardly tweaked from this recipe from Gourmet 2003.

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15 Responses to “creamy grits with corn, bacon, and tomatoes”

  1. 1
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    Rachel @ Not Rachael Ray — August 19, 2011 @ 3:39 pm

    How nice that you got to spend a week off with your kids. They are beautiful! The grits look delicious, love the toppings you chose!

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    Shea Goldstein — August 19, 2011 @ 3:52 pm

    That looks right up my alley, yum!! And your kids are beautiful 🙂

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    LiztheChef — August 19, 2011 @ 4:10 pm

    Lovely post – I keep subscribing to your feed via email and don’t get your posts – but see them on fb and twitter easily enough…You are a great friend – and, belatedly, my admiration to you for getting on a plane and DOING SOMETHING for Jennifer when she needed it. XO Liz

  4. 4
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    Jenni — August 19, 2011 @ 4:26 pm

    1)I love that you took some time off to hang w/the wee ones!
    2)Your cat is Beautiful.
    3)So are the grits.

    At the restaurant I used to work in, we made grits w/heavy cream and duck fat. Fantastic. Just something to tuck away next time you’re feeling Decadent! 🙂

  5. 5
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    Kimmie — August 19, 2011 @ 4:36 pm

    Your kids (both human and furry) are adorable! As a Texan, I love love love anything to do with grits – will definitely try this one out! =)

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    Gail — August 19, 2011 @ 4:58 pm

    Grits are the perfect comfort food. For you and for us.
    xoxo

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    Kristen — August 19, 2011 @ 4:58 pm

    I think I’m ready too – and your kiddos? So darn cute!

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    Paula — August 19, 2011 @ 7:05 pm

    Your week at home sounded like it was just what you needed. The food, the fun, the time-outs and the squabbles…everything that is family…everything that matters.

    Best wishes at the conference, hope the kids (sooo cute) have a great school year and hoping that getting back into the routine at work come without too much difficulty.

    Happy End of Summer. Great looking grits!

  9. 9
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    Aggie — August 20, 2011 @ 7:57 am

    I really love that you took the week off. I bet your kids were thrilled to have mommy time ALL day ALL week 🙂 We started school this week and it was like a breath of fresh air. What a nice feeling to be in routine again.

    Your kids are so stinkin adorable. Love those smiles!!

    I am shamelessly admitting that I’ve hardly made grits in my life. Maybe a packet of instant here or there. But the real thing, no. crazy!!! I’ve been dreaming of shrimp and grits for as long as I can remember…and now this. I am loving this.

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    Barbara | Creative Culinary — August 20, 2011 @ 10:34 am

    While I’m not ready for summer to end I do look forward to the days cooling off and some of the foods we can look forward to with the start of that cooler weather.

    The southerner in me (yes, 10 yrs in the south counts!) is awakened whenever I hear grits. The addition of corn, tomatoes and bacon? Over the top wonderful.

    Though I sort of expected to see that adorable little cat’s head in the photo of the bowl, yes I did.

  11. 11
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    Lana @ Never Enough Thyme — August 20, 2011 @ 10:45 am

    MJ – Your children are just adorable and it’s wonderful that you got to spend a whole week with them before the rush of back-to-school. Enjoy the time while they’re little. It passes so quickly!

    You *know* I love any recipe with grits! They’re just the most comforting thing you can put in your mouth. Love the way you’ve enhanced yours with corn, tomatoes and bacon. Brilliant!

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    Brian @ A Thought For Food — August 21, 2011 @ 12:57 am

    You really deserve the Mom of the Year award. You are amazing. Truly.

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    Russell at Chasing Delicious — August 21, 2011 @ 1:12 pm

    Such a comforting, delicious looking recipe! It sounds like you’ve had a good week too. I remember when I got my first bunk bed. Makes me miss being a kid. The homework, not so much!

  14. 14
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    Karriann Graf — September 6, 2011 @ 3:56 pm

    This looks like a delicious and comforting meal! Happy Cooking!

  15. Pingback: The Merry Gourmet slow-cooker creamy southern grits | the merry gourmet

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