four days in paris
It was not a mid-life crisis. I felt very comfortable with my career and my family. I felt completely at peace with who I was – who I am – as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, physician, and human.
It was that I felt unlinked. Disconnected from myself. In being so many things to so many others, I needed to rejoin all of these elements of myself and remember who I was – who I am – at the core.
To do this, I needed to be alone.
In early January, shortly after the new year, I traveled to Paris for a solo vacation. I was only in Paris for four full days, but those days were fulfilling in a way I had never imagined possible.
I began contemplating the idea of a solo vacation about a year before. I do a fair amount of travel for work – committee meetings and medical conferences, mostly – and I’m typically alone for these. However, my work trips are not vacations, and any free time is typically filled with networking or catching up with friends. My days are structured, with committee meetings and working lunches or dinners, or with conference sessions in chilly meeting halls, one after another. Often, by the end of the day, I’m ready to order room service for dinner and not leave my hotel room until the next morning.
With the encouragement of my husband, I booked airline tickets to Paris. He didn’t really understand my desire to travel by myself, but he knows that, unlike him, I am an introvert and that I cherish being alone.
I arrived at Charles de Gaulle airport at 6 am on a Thursday morning. It was still dark as my driver navigated the highway and then the streets of Paris on the way to my hotel on Rue Saint-Sulpice in Saint-Germain-des-Prés. We spoke about the workers’ strikes that had been going on for weeks and the difficulty getting around the city since they began. In one neighborhood, vehicles were forced to drive slowly through a group of protesters soliciting donations from the drivers of the cars attempting to pass. My driver rolled his window down and passed some bills to a man with a megaphone. This elicited cheers and we were allowed to pass.
Like that first drive into the city, so many moments from my time in Paris are ingrained in my memory of those four days.
This was truly lovely to read. I’ve been soul searching a lot this year, too. Sometimes, the answer we need to find is within ourselves. Thank you for the reminder.
What a beautiful piece of writing. I, too, am an introvert so completely understand your need for time alone. I’d never have the courage to travel abroad alone and admire your bravery in doing so. So happy you gave yourself this wonderful gift.
Absolutely beautiful MJ. I loved following along on IG and seeing Paris through your eyes. You hit some great spots!
Sounds like a lovely way to reconnect with yourself, MJ. And, revisiting Paris would be my first choice, too! 🙂
What an absolute treat and gift to yourself, MJ. Just have a few days to yourself to pace the moments at your leisure is worth as much as the magical destination. I’m so glad you had this time to yourself!
What a gift!
No, I’m not talking about the gift you gave yourself, but the lesson you’re teaching here: don’t be afraid, take the opportunity to spend time getting to know yourself.
I can’t tell you how much I love this post and you choosing to make yourself a priority. I did a solo vacation in December and I’m still amazed/proud that I navigated that experience completely by myself.
I came for a recipe you posted in 2010! followed your link to narrative medicine, and find it encouraging and inspiring that you are still posting. Also that time alone in a big city still nourishes you. Hoping you and your family here at the end of 2020. The orange ricotta tart is delicious, btw. Thank you.