the most interesting man in the room

my father

My father was born on December 4, 1935, in Louisville, Kentucky. His father was a typesetter for the newspaper, and his mother finished cabinetry for television sets. Later, his mother stayed home to raise her sons. Dad’s parents were both deaf and mute, and because of this, he learned to sign before he learned to speak. My father was the first-born son, and two more boys were to follow over the next eight years. My father was a tough kid who grew up in tougher times.

In 1954, he graduated from high school. He later attended college at the University of Louisville. At some point, he moved to New York City and studied marketing at Columbia University. He might have graduated with a degree from one of these universities, or he might not have. Throughout my life, those details were never important to me. What mattered to me were his stories of living in Greenwich Village in the early 1960s.

My father loved being in love. His first marriage was as a teenager, and the relationship lasted approximately 24 hours before he and the girl had the marriage annulled. Dad never liked me counting this one, but I count it anyway. His second and third marriages didn’t last, but each resulted in a child. I’m grateful for Dad’s second marriage, because it resulted in my sister, Tina. And, if he had not been married so many times before, he probably would never have met my mother.

My father met his fourth wife, my mother, in a bar in Louisville. Dad was working at a bouncer, and my mother was having a drink with some friends. They married when he was 34 and my mother was 27. Fifteen days later, she would turn 28. My mother wore a slim, brown dress, and her father – a Methodist minister – officiated the ceremony.

My parents lived in Nashville, then New Orleans, and finally, Savannah, where I was born on a cold October day in 1972. My father was a traveling salesman at the time, and in the early 1970s, his travels took him to Columbia County, Florida. He became captivated by the crystalline waters of the natural, fresh water springs in the area. He wanted to move there, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life there. In 1974, he moved my mother and his two-year old daughter to Fort White. He never moved anywhere else again.

my father and me

That same year that we moved to Fort White, my father turned a hobby into a business. He was fascinated by stained glass, so he ordered some glass and some lead, and he set up a small studio on the front porch of his home. Later, as the business grew, he built a freestanding studio on their property, just a short walk across the yard from the house. Over time, he renovated and expanded the studio that was home of his business, Advent Glass Works, and he later added on a large woodworking shop in the back of it. He used that studio to design and build stained glass windows for churches all over the country, though mostly in the southeast.

My father did so many things in the course of his life. He was a boxer when he served in the Kentucky National Guard. He learned to fly airplanes. He was a photographer and developed his own film. He was an excellent woodworker, and he put these skills to use when he remodeled my parent’s home. He built the tables in their home, and he built my daughter’s bed. He read constantly, churning through his favorite books, including anything by Ken Follett and Louis L’Amour. He could identify any bird or tree or snake he came across, and his interest in naming living creatures was passed on to me.

My father was charming and gregarious, and he was always the most interesting man in the room. He told stories that seemed outlandish and elaborated, and maybe some were. My husband and I joked about this, about Dad’s wild stories. When my father wasn’t around to hear us, we sometimes questioned whether his stories could possibly be true. But, without fail, some third party – an old acquaintance or friend – showed up and provided details that verified that my father’s stories were, indeed, true.

In 1998, my dad became Mayor of the town he fell in love with back in the early 1970s. He had joined the town council seven years before, and he loved civic duty, so becoming Mayor was only natural for him. Over the past year, as his dementia ate away at his memories and his personality, a good friend of his who works with the town would visit regularly to give him updates and to check in with him. Last Tuesday, she visited him in the nursing home and brought him cookies. When I visited Dad last Tuesday, he remembered that she had been there. He told me they had talked about town business. He never stopped being Mayor.

In June this year, my parents would have been married 44 years. And even though their marriage was never perfect, he loved her more than anything else in this world. He called her name over and over again in that nursing home. He wanted to be with her, always.

On February 27, 2014, at 5:15am, my father died.

I miss him terribly.


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22 Responses to “a grandmother’s southern banana pudding”

  1. Brian @ A Thought For Food — July 13, 2010 @ 5:37 pm

    Oh my oh my! I haven’t thought about banana pudding in such a long time. Something I ate at camp… and I loved it!

    Thanks for bringing back the memory!

  2. Adrienne — July 13, 2010 @ 6:13 pm

    My fiance is obsessed with banana pudding! I am definitely making this. Thanks for the recipe 🙂

  3. Jason Phelps — July 13, 2010 @ 6:25 pm

    Just like gift giving, it is the thought and heart that counts. All the memories are a nice bonus as well.


  4. Velva — July 13, 2010 @ 9:10 pm

    Cheers to your grandmother! Cheers to the banana pudding that you learned to make from your grandmother.

    • merrygourmet

      merrygourmet replied: — July 13th, 2010 @ 9:21 pm

      Brian – It really is an old fashioned dessert, isn’t it? I’m a sucker for tradition.

      Adrienne – Oh, this is one he’ll love. I promise!

      Jason – You got it. The memories are the best part.

      Velva – Thanks so much! She’s doing fantastic and we’re so proud of her for making it through. She’s a trooper.

  5. Macaroni Mama — July 13, 2010 @ 10:55 pm

    I love this post about Mom’s banana pudding. We all looked forward to it, and when you showed up with banana pudding for the Fourth of July, it brought back all those special memories of the meals we had at Mom’s, when she used to cook. Thanks.

  6. Gabriela — July 14, 2010 @ 11:04 am

    Banana pudding is one of those quintessential summer desserts, I need to make some soon! Have you ever made it with saltines instead of Nilla Wafers? It’s pretty yummy! Glad I found your blog through Food52 Reciprocity!

  7. Joy — July 14, 2010 @ 12:24 pm

    I love banana pudding. It has been so long since I had some. Thank you for the share. I may try this soon, like this weekend.

  8. Squeaky Gourmet — July 14, 2010 @ 3:50 pm

    I LoooooOOOooVe how you set up the pictures for this pudding! What a fun and creative way to shoot it!

  9. Maria — July 14, 2010 @ 4:32 pm

    I haven’t had banana pudding in ages. Looks so good!

  10. Just Food Snobs — July 14, 2010 @ 5:40 pm

    What a beautiful story! Grandmothers are the best cooks, I still remember my great grandmothers cooking. Thanks for sharing your story and recipe!

  11. My Simple Food — July 14, 2010 @ 11:42 pm

    This is a really nice recipe. Brings back memories of my grandma too. Thanks 🙂

  12. Susan — July 15, 2010 @ 1:53 am

    Lovely post! Believe it or not, I am not a fan of banana pudding or chess pie. I always loved Mom’s Sock-it-to-Me cake…do you remember that one at all? It was a golden bundt cake with a swirl of cinnamon, sugar and pecans…YUM!

    • merrygourmet

      merrygourmet replied: — July 15th, 2010 @ 11:45 am

      Susan – I do remember the Sock-It-To-Me cake! Wonder if she still has her recipe?

  13. I love banana pudding and this one sounds just perfect! Love the story behind this fab dessert!

  14. CC Recipe — July 15, 2010 @ 4:28 pm

    I am a sucker for good banana puddin’…this looks wonderful and I would totally cave for this!

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  16. Jaimie — July 16, 2010 @ 12:58 pm

    I’m going to have to try this. My husband’s grandmother makes a banana pudding, but it is…. gross. It’s pudding out of an industrial-sized can and smothered with Cool-whip, and as much as I adore her, I can’t bring myself to eat it.

  17. Sean — July 18, 2010 @ 12:49 pm

    I made this recipe last night for my husband’s 40th birthday dinner. He’s from Kentucky, and so we made all his childhood favorites: Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn and ‘nana pudding. This pudding was a major hit with everyone. Thanks for sharing!

  18. Mardi@eatlivetravelwrite — July 20, 2010 @ 10:36 am

    What a lovely story – glad you are able to carry on the tradition and that your grandmother is in remission!

  19. Pingback: a taste of history: grandmother’s chess pie | the merry gourmet

  20. katherine schantz — February 2, 2012 @ 7:29 pm

    I grew up in N.C. surrounded by strong women that were great cooks…..we have made banana pudding for years….if you want the short version of the above recipe….that is proven at Family ReUnions, Church Suppers and tons of picnics and Sunday lunches….here it is

    1 Large package of Vanilla pudding mix ( make sure you use whole milk, eggs and add a pinch of good, real vanilla) cook until thick
    line the bottom and sides of a 2 quart pyrex dish with real Vanilla Wafers
    put the 1st layer of pudding then the 1st layer of sliced bananas
    alternate up until you reach the top
    top with REAl HOMEMADE meringue ( 4 egg whites, the ones from the eggs you used in the pudding, beaten with alittle sugar and cream of tarter )
    top the pudding then brown the merinque in a 400 degree oven
    yummy, easy and good to the last bite…..enjoy….from kate howard at home

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